Big city lights of the small town girl

“I won’t let you close enough to hurt me…time to say goodbye to turning tables….next time i’ll be my own savior.”

How can I do this if you already have my heart…how can i pick myself up if you were the one who held me there in the first place. I feel like you’re my main attraction, yet i couldn’t even get a ticket to see your show. I’ll try to keep you at a distance, but i know i’ll run back. I’ll try to turn the tables but one look from you, and they’ll go right back.

“time to say goodbye to turning tables”…..i hope

don’t fucking play me. be straight up and i won’t care. but don’t let me put my heart into it thinking yours was there too. but thank you. cuz now you’re a notch in my bedpost :)

 will you still love me then? is it okay if it gets boring? Or am i just being an idiot? should i back out now to save you the shame, me the embarrassment, and probably, my heartache.. it’s easier being devoid of emotion and the capacity to care deeply for others. i say fuck it i need to stop watching chick flicks, forget that everyone around him is getting engaged, and that i’m not used to this….fuck this shit i need another piercing…

i can’t help who i like. we are two people who are NOT supposed to be together but it happened. he makes me feel like a queen and when i hear his voice my walls come down. words can hardly describe how he makes me feel and i’m fairly certain i do the same for him. we care about each other and fuck you if you don’t like it. This is my life and how i chose to live it. he is who i chose to be part of it and if you can’t handle who i am then i’m gone. if you truly want to be a part of my life, then accept it for all it has in it. including him. and quite fucking honestly, if you don’t like the answer, you shouldn’t have fucking asked in the first place. 

I can fool the world. Watch me. 

My life is amazing. I have amazing friends and my family couldn’t be better. But when life gets tough for me, when my emotions fall, who can i tell? I have nothing to complain about…

I have of late,—but wherefore I know not,—lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises; and indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o’erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire,—why, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?Man delights not me.

He is emotionally cut off. He saw through the bullshit that his life turned into and what the people around him tried to pass it off as. He is free of that which ties him to this life. He chose not to believe the fallacy. Do i believe the fallacy? is there one to begin with? All i know is i can’t help but feel like shit and i can’t tell a goddamn person… so here i read. Hamlet tell me truly,” Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortuneOr to take arms against a sea of troubles,And by opposing end them?….(i’ll add) what do we gain? Absolutely nothing. just more pain, more unanswered questions and new tears shed. 

What fresh hell is this…

So raise your glass up high to all the lonely nights

We’ve spent singing anthems of our own demise

And when we say goodbye, make sure you realize

I might never come back home, and so the story goes…

So long pray we don’t blow it

I don’t really know if or when we will return

We’ll win, or die trying

They’ll never take us alive

And with every word you say, you don’t really wanna know

The things that I have seen

And with every word you say, I cannot believe

This disregard for subtlety

So when we say goodbye, make sure you realize

I know I’m never coming home

So long, guess we didn’t know it would ever be this hard

We just kept our big mouths shut

But we know now, that we are alone, we fight alone.

They’ll never take us alive